Forgiveness

In The Flow of Acceptance

The topic of forgiveness has come up a couple of times this past week so I thought I'd share some thoughts on the subject.

I actually don't use the word very much in my life or in my work. I find the idea of forgiveness is often more likely to end up being about rationalizing or justifying than anything else and I for one have done plenty of that in my life without really having the experience of release from the guilt that brought up the need to forgive in the first place. When people say they need to forgive themselves or others it is usually about something that they have deemed to be unacceptable somehow; why else would there be a need for forgiveness? If this is the case, would it not make more sense to make peace with the feelings of fear and guilt that are often attached to whatever happened and then question the beliefs that caused the non-acceptance in the first place?

I lived with what I would call no-name guilt most of my life. I just felt bad about myself so no matter what I did it was likely to trigger the feelings of guilt and shame sooner or later. It was not rational in any way but it was pretty close to the surface much of the time. I was good at playing the justification tapes in my head which would play over and over and over but never went anywhere. It wasn't until I started really questioning what the beliefs were behind all the guilt and shame that I finally found true release. The beliefs that I was bad, that I was inadequate, that I should be different than what I was (or that someone else was all these things) really kept the guilt game going.

When I realized the fallacy in these beliefs and brought compassion to the oh so familiar feelings I was finally able to break through the barriers that had been erected so that I could open to the wonder-filled world of possibilities that had nothing to do with ideas of being bad or inadequate. That isn't to say that the old feelings don't show up now and again because they do, it's familiar ground, they just don't have any power any more. This is the case with all beliefs we dismantle, they may still show up now and again, we just know they don't have any substance.

Perhaps this is just my definition of forgiveness and its all about semantics but we live in a world of concepts so I've learned, and am continually learning, that I can't assume I know what anyone else means by any particular word, especially loaded ones like forgiveness.

Consider this, what happens, happens. Just as water flows over and around anything it encounters, so do we have the ability to stay in the flow and wear away any seeming obstacle with presence and compassion. We have no idea why things happen as they do most of the time and if we think we do it's usually about a belief we are holding anyway. What if you didn't believe some of the more painful events of your life should have been any different than it was? What if you could simply be present to whatever shows up and in the flow of what you are guided to do in the face of that? How would your life be different?

I wonder...