Phases and Feelings

The long weekend is over now and I am truly grateful for all the great moments we had out in the sun and indoors at the movies and at a live performance of Wicked which is the untold story of the witches of Oz. I particularly appreciated how they brought a whole different level of understanding as to how the two witches got to be where they were in the story of The Wizard of Oz. Quite brilliant really.

Now it's back to the business of the week and I find myself facing directly and squarely a sense of loneliness and loss that has been playing in the periphery of my awareness for the past 2 or 3 weeks. It's hard to explain so I won't really go too deeply into it other than to say that it isn't about being around people or not. I realize it's about some very old stuff that has been deeply buried. It isn't that I wasn't cognitively aware of it either, I have been for a long time, but I haven't really had access to the feelings around it which seems to be key in bringing real peace to it. That along with being able to tell myself the truth about the fact that I did not and will never have the one I lost so many years ago. In a strange and wonderful way, facing that is another level of release from the belief that was developed in childhood around the loss which translated into not being able to have what I really want. That's how those childhood decisions work; we end up projecting them onto our present and future circumstances because we didn't know what to do with the confusion and loss.
It's funny because I've done a ton of work around this and have benefited from it all yet here it is again with yet another twist to it. Laying it to rest in this way is like burying a loved one which is sad and yet poignant at the same time.

I often remind clients and friends and myself that just because we've visited and done some work with a long held belief it doesn't mean it isn't going to show up again. I can pretty much guarantee most of the the deeply held ones will in some way shape or form which is often not recognized for what it really is. I don't see that as anything being wrong but rather an opportunity to pour more compassionate attention into the well of being. Being delightfully alive means being able to be fully present and accepting of whatever shows up in me, including the deepest and darkest memories if that's what shows up. It really is all beautiful and wonder-filled when we don't make it all wrong.

Just as the four seasons bring their own unique beauty, so it is with the variety of experiences to be had in the delicious, delightful expression of life .