Another Interesting Shift To Ponder

One of the feelings we often learn to avoid or ignore because it seems so very vulnerable (and God forbid we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable) is sadness. The very idea that we could do this is really quite amazing and kind of sad in and of itself even though I spent much of my life avoiding it myself.

I remember clearly the day over 20 years ago now when I finally stopped running away from sadness and just let myself feel it completely. I was sitting in the backyard at the house I lived in in Calgary at the time. I have no idea why I ended up facing the sadness at that point but I did. When I stopped resisting what was going on inside me I was awash with sadness. As I just noticed what I was feeling and allowed myself to be curious about it I realized for the first time that this was a very familiar feeling. In fact, it had been part of the background noise most of my life. I had been painfully aware of it at various times but never very friendly with it that's for sure. I had learned well to ignore it for the most part unaware that the effects of it were being felt in other ways such as anger or being shut down and kind of numb.

Some of the things I've learned about sadness over the ensuing 20 years has been a bit surprising to me. For instance, when I let myself feel it completely, without judgment or resistance, sadness invariably shifts into an expansive feeling that I can only describe as love. It's like sadness is really love pressed down and imprisoned in the psyche and the body. As long as I resist it or ignore it I am really blocking the flow of love and life that is always wanting to move through me. No wonder it gets so uncomfortable and turns to anger and that flat, lifeless feeling when its repressed!

Fractals of Love

I suspect this very awareness is one of the reasons I love doing memorials and funerals and being present to the sadness that shows up in others in the counseling or coaching process. I can feel the sorrow opening my heart more and more all the time as I join with clients in theirs. It is a beautiful gift to be able to share those precious moments of vulnerability and realness. I am so grateful!