Some people will head off into the swamp of feeling sorry for themselves, some will become very controlling, some will do whatever they can to avoid by trying to be uber positive, in other words go into denial, others will check out and go into a kind of metaphysical munchkin land. When this happens (well, really some people live in their off centered states most of their lives) it brings up discomfort for others in the relationship if they are off their centers and this is where the polarization happens; for example one gets negative, the other get super positive or at least avoids any 'negativity' or vice versa.
You know you're polarizing when your strategy (ie getting super positive and wanting the other (s) to be as well or getting swampy and wanting to drag the other (s) in there with you) don't work to make you happy. The real fun part is when you find that what you are doing isn't working so what do you do then? You do it more of course! You may think that is counter intuitive but alas it is the human condition to keep moving in the direction of our beliefs no matter what the results, until we don't.
The final shakeup usually takes some kind of crisis or the experience getting so uncomfortable you can't go on or you somehow realize there's a pattern unfolding, again, that has been with you most of your life. This is good news! When the strategies fall apart, there is an opening created for something more authentic to emerge.
So what do you do when you find yourself in one of these polarized dynamics in your personal relationships or at work? The first step would be to stop. Stop moving in the direction you've been desperately trying to resolve the issue in. If you've been trying to be super positive or have withdrawn in an attempt to protect yourself from someone's intense emotional pain for instance, stop, take a breath, relax a minute and touch into your discomfort. Let your attention rest there for a moment or two and acknowledge how hard you've been trying to avoid this experience. Notice what you think about this feeling you don't like. Did you decide somewhere along the line that this wasn't acceptable for some reason? Are you aware of how much you have been 'protecting' yourself from whatever it is? Is it true that you need to protect yourself now based on something that may have happened in the past? What if what you decided about this isn't really true? What if it was just a mistaken assumption made long ago that has been in charge whenever anything triggers the memory? What if you could just be here now, present to the pain or discomfort and allow what you think about it to dissolve? Is it really so bad? Are you really in danger here? Not likely my friend, not likely.
What I'm saying here is that you don't have to polarize when you get uncomfortable, you can bring presence and understanding within instead of avoiding, which brings you back to center. From center you open to a myriad of possibilities that did not exist in the reactive state. You can see more clearly what is yours to do and you can experience true inner peace instead of trying to change those around you (which never works by the way) in order to be OK. Even writing about this brings me into a deeper state of peace and flow. I've experienced the shift many times and the good news is peace is restored quicker, easier and more joyfully with practice. It's really a way of being in the world. Mmmm, delicious.
Namaste
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