Chaos Dreams

This morning I woke up with the strong memory of a chaos dream. I have those once in a while and as disturbing as they can be at times, I also find them to be good omens. I interpret them to mean I am outside my comfort zone so my mind is trying to work things out for me and it isn't really succeeding. That's good news because I don't really want to resolve the chaos in the ways that are familiar anymore.

So when I awoke with this chaotic, out of control energy playing out, I stopped and tuned into what it was trying to resolve. Then I took some time to be fully present to what was going on under the surface, beyond the mind's efforts to resolve the discomfort and was once again aware of the sweet innocence behind it all.

The sense of being out of control can be pretty uncomfortable but it is necessary if there is going to be any kind of liberation from the illusion that I am in control, thus limiting the wonder of living with what is. Easy to say the words but not so easy when confronted with the reality that I am not really in control of much of anything in real life situations. When I move through the layers of protection and the false belief that life is somehow controllable however, I find myself in the great unknown, the place where I simply don't know what is really happening, nor do I know what to do because all the ideas that my mind comes up with are really just old programming about how to feel more in control again. Beyond mind however there is that sweet space of wonder and possibility and peace where there is nothing to control, only life and its infinite possibility, and there I rest.

In the end, when the veil of illusion about the way it is supposed to be drops away, what is left is ineffably perfect and wonderful and all I can do is be grateful.

Namaste