Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Opportunites for A Little Compassion

Life is always presenting opportunities to practice what I preach. One of the essential elements of self-compassion is that it is about being kind to oneself when being less than ideally loving and kind.

I've just had a couple of days of cleaning out my mother's old house from which she moved 3 years ago and has been occupied by my brother until I finally sold it this month (possession date is today). This has been a very difficult situation for everyone for a long time.I eventually stepped in where I did not really care to tread and sold her house for her which meant my brother moving on. This was not easy. Long story short, he had been less than forthcoming about how much he wasn't getting done to clean out the house so the rest of us converged on the scene Sunday to finish the job. We had moved into that house in 1969 and I don't think my mother and brother ever threw much away.

I knew there was a lot of stuff but I had fantasized that most of it would be gone but of course there was still an incredible amount there and the place was filthy. Sunday we got the rest of the stuff out of the house, piling a whole bunch of it in the back yard to be taken to the dump, putting some in storage and bringing more to my brothers tiny little apartment which is full of stuff he couldn't let go of.

We were exhausted by the end of the day and my sister, sister-in-law and I went back yesterday to do some cleaning. I have to admit my thoughts about my brother and mother were not as charitable as I would like at times in this process. I have something of an aversion to housework at the best of times, and these were not what I consider the best of times.  We did get it done though for which we were all grateful at the end of the day.

In the midst of all that and the aches and pains in my body I have to admit I am truly grateful that I had the focus of the Self-Compassion Project to continually bring me back to being gentle with myself. I found in that process that I was also able to find compassion for my mother and brother as well. What is, is. They lived, and continue to live, in the way that is theirs to live and I am part of it whether I really like it or not. Self-compassion reminds me that I don't have to be thrilled about it, and I don't have to stay angry or resentful either. I can bring understanding and compassion to those oh so human tendencies.

Today I am sore all over and I am at peace. I appreciate the way it has all unfolded and that we're all doing the best we can given where we are and all is well.

I've always maintained that the work I share is really for me and this project showed up exactly when I needed it most. Even though I have been working with the process for a long time it's easy to wander off so I really appreciate these particularly focused times. This is a journey after all. The path leads us where it leads us.

Remember, it isn't about doing it all right; it's about being alright with what we do.

Namaste 

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Self-Compassion

I noticed myself getting caught up in shoulds the other day about something I didn't want but had not given myself permission to say no to. The mind wanted to justify and come up with good reasons all the while rejecting them all. There was a bit of a dissonance going on which all the logic in the world would not bring peace to.

I soon realized that what was really needed was a moment or two of compassion and understanding instead of argument and trying to convince myself of something. The mind quickly settled down then and I was at peace with the way it is for me. It wasn't so much about what I had to do about it as it was about allowing what seems like contradiction to coexist.

I could then see clearly how often seeming contradictions show up in life where the personality thinks it has to be one way or another, not both. One example would be around money. I love doing the work I do, the coaching, the teaching, life celebrations and weddings mainly. I also appreciate and want to be paid for the work I do. There's some bit of programming in this personality however that says I shouldn't think about money, I should do things for nothing all the time, I'm shallow if I think about money, etc. Nothing new there, I even had that running when I had an oilfield supply company. How funny is that?

The point is that there seems to be a contradiction going on between the idea that I should do everything for free and that I want to be well paid.  When I move past the shoulds into the desire beneath it to be of service and to be compassionate the contradiction falls away and the ideas of being of service and being paid can go exist. When I'm not judging myself for being human there is no argument. It's all here, it's all perfect and I can joyfully give things away as well as be paid.

The human condition is full of these contradictions where we tend to be fighting inner battles all the time. Mostly the battles are about the way we should be as opposed to what we may want or think or feel at the moment. Being compassionate toward it all and understanding this is simply the human condition playing out goes a long way in ending the war.

By the way, if you haven't heard about it yet, I've developed a 40 day process called The Self-Compassion Project with this very kind of thing in mind. You can get more info and download the instructions and daily quotes on my website. By the way, it's free!

Namaste




Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Observations From Stillness

Wow, time is flying by as this month turned out to be way busier than I had envisioned. I remember distinctly writing a post at the beginning of the month about things being slower. Hmm, I wonder what happened to that idea? I have to admit there are times when it's great to be wrong!

It seems that with all I'm involved in I find myself constantly aware of the ever changing landscape of life. It rarely looks the way I thought it would and it changes before I can ever get used to the way it is and it's all perfect.

The old ideas around safety in sameness are quickly dissolving in favour of the realization that there is much more aliveness in being present to the way life moves and shifts and changes without resistance. I think another reason change is so much more enjoyable now is that while I'm observing the perpetually shifting nature of the manifest world, I am simultaneously deeply grounded in ever constant Source.

What I am is not moving and changing, that remains the same; what is being experienced is what's always shifting. It's a lot more fun watching the unfolding from stillness rather than being overly identified with that which is always changing.

Namaste

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Rolling With Life

As life keeps rolling along with its own agenda, I am constantly reminded that I really have no idea what's going to happen or what anything really means. While it is fun to assign all kinds of meanings to things at times, it's also fun to just hang out with what is and let everything unfold without any particular meaning. That doesn't mean I don't make any commitments to things in the future, I just make commitments to what seems right as it is presented to me, if things change, they change, if not, on we go.

I'm just having fun with the way things are happening these days and noticing my reactions when they should arise and then noticing them slip quietly into the gentle night. Why make more of things than I need to? I think a lot of that stuff around giving meaning to things is really about making the self important when in truth that isn't even an issue.

Namaste

ps This picture doesn't have any meaning either, I just liked it.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Multi-Tasking or Presencing?

The ebb and flow of life as it is experienced in the moment is constantly calling me inward, to the peace of presence. It's so easy to get caught up in the business of living instead of being present to what is.

I noticed an uneasiness in the background of awareness over the weekend and realized that I had been very busy with all kinds of great stuff but I had been side stepping my usual practices of just sitting for a few minutes morning and night to just be fully present to inner being, what I call presencing. I had sort of been paying attention but only on the fly so to speak.

Ah yes that insidious habit of multi-tasking.  I spent so many years being so very proud of the ability to multi-task I find it a bit challenging at times not to get into it and of course I succumb on a regular basis. Nothing wrong with that, it just isn't very effective when it comes to being present in the moment and being at peace.

Moving deeply into the uneasiness yesterday the shift allowed peace to permeate the disturbance and today there is once again a sense of joy and appreciation in the moment.

Funny thing is I wouldn't have said I was unhappy yesterday because I was doing something I love doing and I was having a good time, there was just this background noise of something calling me that I had been ignoring. I spent most of my life in that state, except the noise was much louder in the past, and I got really good at ignoring it or distracting myself so I wouldn't have to do anything about it. The only problem with that was that I also rarely felt connected or appreciative or happy. Now that I know the difference, the old ways of ignoring and distracting just aren't very attractive any more.

Namaste

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Cancelling Beliefs

Sitting in the backyard enjoying yet another dog day of summer. I feel so blessed as I enjoy the gentle breeze and listen to the chimes gently singing their songs.


I've been pondering the interesting phenomenon of duality in terms of our desires and beliefs of late, instigated through a couple of different conversations.These aren't new realizations but I'm not sure if I've written about them from this particular perspective.

I've noticed that for every unrealized desire or dream there seems to be a corresponding belief that it is not possible or will never happen for 'me'. For instance you may have a desire for a loving, intimate relationship and have had for a long time. Along with this unmet desire there is undoubtedly lurking in the background of consciousness a subtle (or not so subtle) pattern of thought that would say something like 'I'll never have that' or 'I never get what I really want'.

We have become so adept at being in denial for the most part that even though we may be vaguely aware of the canceling belief for the desire, there is a tendency to ignore it and convince ourselves that we don't know why we don't seem to be able to have or experience what we really want. 'It must be because I'm unworthy or bad or not doing enough or I'm not enough.' Really? Great distractions but I don't think they have much to do with the truth. When you bother to examine these ideas they usually don't even make sense. What could you possibly have done that was so bad?

I'd be willing to bet that something painful happened that you didn't understand once upon a time and you assumed it had something to do with you. You then inserted whatever you may have been told at some point or what you decided it must have meant and have been looking at life from behind that veil ever since.

If you find there's such a desire or dream in your life, I suggest you take a minute to question the validity of the beliefs that have been distorting your vision instead of denying them. You'll never know what's possible as long as you've already decided it isn't.

Namaste

Monday, July 9, 2012

Appreciating Everything

I love those times when I can do nothing but appreciate what is. I've been in one of late and I am so grateful. The stillness, the light, the heat, the peace, the opportunities to share, the moments of real connection, the active times and the quiet times, my beloved, all that I am blessed with; all this and so much more fills my heart with gratitude.

Embracing whatever shows up seems to be the key that turns the lock in mind and body, opening out to the wonder and awe of creation.

The less personally I take life the more flow I seem to experience. Who knows why really. It doesn't matter, these are just words and they aren't what really matters. Being in Life, that's all there is.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Great Timing

 Life is always operating on perfect time (time may be an illusion but it does serve in many ways). The last blog post was about the impersonal nature of Life. Not easy to grasp for so many reasons but as previously stated, perfect time for being the focus of some pondering of late.


There is a project unfolding in the house this week (John took some vacation time for it). There is painting going on and some finishing work that the last owners had not completed when they had done renovations several years ago. John is a detail man. When a project is undertaken it's hard to know exactly where it's going to go because there is a tendency to look after all those little details along the way. The end result is great but the process can be a little rocky, as anyone who has done any kind of renovation or sprucing up can attest to.

The reason the timing is so perfect with what was written the other day is that there can be some crabby moments when the focus is on an ever expanding project and it's important to remember, it isn't personal. Those grumpy moods aren't about anyone, they're just what is going on in the moment of dealing with lots of detail and being focused on the project. Best bet is to stay out of the way and allow whatever needs to happen to unfold.

There is much gratitude for this awareness; there have been times in the past when this was not so and life was not fun.

Namaste

Monday, July 2, 2012

Impersonal Nature of LIfe


abstract artPondering the impersonal nature of Life for the last few days. No idea where it is going but it isn't leaving so whatever wants to be said will be written here.

The pondering began in a conversation regarding the lack of personal service in so many institutions and businesses. Lamenting about how people were just a number in so many cases, dealing with computer responders and even with individuals who seem to lack people skills. For example, a call to a specialist's office to confirm an appointment the day before was responded to by an answering machine where the recorded message very clearly stated what the options were and that, no there would not be a call back. OK, then...

In the course of conversation there was brief flash of how the impersonal being experienced in the world may be a reflection of the true impersonal nature of Life. There is a tendency to rail against the impersonal, wanting to feel special and wanted and acknowledged but is that part of a false concept? Is it perhaps a desperate attempt to maintain the illusion of separation? Could the lack of personal-ness that is evolving in the world not mean there's something 'wrong' but rather be revealing a deeper truth? Yeow!

What if it really is all impersonal and all the meaning given to self and others is really just a sad attempt at creating importance for the ego's survival? On this journey home to Essence is there really an invitation to let go of any concept of personal? Perhaps that's exactly what is going on. No wonder this work isn't all that attractive.

In going deep into Being, beyond all those beliefs and feelings and concepts on the surface of life that's exactly what is found; no me. Touched into this place often over the past couple of years yet there is something within that still wants to grab onto something personal and make it all so very real. It's also easy to be fooled into thinking life is not being taken personally when it actually is. The illusion must be entered fully it seems in order to come to the no-me state, so here again the paradox of Life is experienced. By paying full attention to that in 'me' that wants attention in the moment peace is attained and there is recognition that there is no need, no me. By trying to ignore the cry for attention more resistance is created and somehow the personal seems 'realler'. Ah Life you are a fascinating, beautiful contradiction.

Imagine not taking life personally; wow! Perhaps in the end there really is no point in railing against the impersonal tendencies in the world; it's a wonderful reminder that Life is not personal, it simply is what it is.
 
By the way, this essay was first written in the personal, using a lot of I's. If there is no 'I' then whose writing, whose having the experiences? Hmmm... There is quite a challenge in writing impersonally about experiences playing out at this point in consciousness. Here's what the essay looked like in the personal. Neither is right or wrong, just different language. What's important is that whether using I and me or not, Life is what is having the experiences.


I've been pondering the impersonal nature of Life for the last few days. I have no idea where it is taking me but it isn't leaving so I thought I'd write about whatever wants to be said.

It first came up in a conversation with a friend when we were talking about the lack of personal service in so many of our institutions and businesses. We were lamenting about how we were just a number in so many cases, dealing with computer responders and even with individuals who seem to lack people skills. I had called a specialist's office to confirm an appointment for my beloved the day before and I got their answering machine where the recorded message very clearly stated what your options were and that, no they would not be calling anyone back. OK, then...

In the course of conversation with my friend I had a brief flash of how the impersonal I was experiencing in the world may be a reflection of the true impersonal nature of Life. There is a tendency to rail against the impersonal, wanting to feel special and wanted and acknowledged but is that part of the mistaken concept we have about what we are? Is it perhaps a desperate attempt to maintain the illusion of separation rather than the interpretation that the lack of personal-ness that is evolving in our world means there's something 'wrong'? Yeow!

What if it really is all impersonal and all the meaning we give ourselves and other people is really just a sad attempt at creating importance for the ego's survival? On this journey home to Essence am I really being asked to let go of any concept of personal? I suspect that's exactly what is going on. No wonder this work isn't all that attractive.

When I have gone deep into Being, beyond all those beliefs and feelings and concepts that keep me on the surface of life that's exactly what I've found; no me. I've touched into this place often over the past couple of years yet there is that in me that still wants to grab onto something personal and make it all so very real. It's also easy to fool myself into thinking I'm not taking life personally when I really am. I have to enter the illusion fully it seems in order to come to the no-me state however, so here again I find myself deep in the paradox of Life. By paying full attention to that in 'me' that wants attention in the moment peace is attained and I can move through it to where there is no need, no me. By trying to ignore the cry for attention I just create more resistance and somehow make the personal seem 'realler'. Ah Life you are a fascinating, beautiful contradiction.

In the end I guess there really is no point in railing against the impersonal tendencies in the world; it's a wonderful reminder that Life is not personal, it simply is what it is.


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Gratitude and Flow

Today we celebrate Canada Day and I for one appreciate being in this country. I have no idea why I ended up here instead of some of the places in the world where life is much more difficult, but I did and I'm grateful.

My life has had some sad times, some happy times, some loss, some gain, some insanity, some calm and I have no idea really why it has been as it has or where it's going but it is, so I rejoice and appreciate what is.

In the end that's all I can do because as much as I may plan or think things are heading a certain direction I've lived long enough to know that life has its own plans and I either go with the flow or I resist and make myself unhappy. I know that sounds fatalistic and it is in a way. I don't think that whatever I am experiencing in the moment is what I am fated to experience the rest of my life, I just see that there is a tapestry being woven that is beyond my ability to comprehend as to how its all happening and that my personality is simply not in control of it.

I even let go of the idea I can manipulate the world and its events with my thoughts about it. I simply don't know what will be so instead of catastrophizing or trying to convince myself things will turn out the way 'I' want I remind myself that I simply don't know what things mean or where it's all going. I just do what appears as mine to do and rest in knowing that the Universe in doing what it is supposed to as well. There's an amazing peace and freedom that comes of this realization and I am grateful for that too as well as everything else life is offering up in any given moment.

Namaste Eh!